Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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