I need help removing her.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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