Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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