Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize