I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
