His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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