chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
