My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
