If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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