One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
