Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
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i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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