Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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