your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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