i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
