i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
