there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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