No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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