the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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