that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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