I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There r osticjed everywhere
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
