i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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