Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
