were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
