Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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