I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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