so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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