So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
