What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
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He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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