Slut skills are useful in every country.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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