So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
