I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
