Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
