i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
