It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
