your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
