I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize