dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
