Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
