Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
