Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
