i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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