LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
