She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
