I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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