so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
