I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
