At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
