Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
