Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
