She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
