i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Randomize
