I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
