the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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