your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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