Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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