he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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