we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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