I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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