The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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