But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
