you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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