I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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