your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
